Panamobama

I lost my internet access for a few days, but I'm back now!  If you're interested, I finished reading The DaVinci Code and wrote a short review on Goodreads, which you can read here.  If you're on Goodreads, or you like reading, you should become my friend.  I want more people to talk about books with me.

Here are some conversations I've had recently.

Me: What is most important to you?
Harmony: My family.  And books.
Me: I knew I liked you.

Me: Why'd she let you answer her phone?
Howard: She was too drunk to answer it.  We had been drinking Pee...peer...beef... no, beer!
Me: When?  This morning?

Judy and I are guessing words, Catchphrase-style.

Judy: I don't live in a house, I live in an apart...
Me: Apartment?
Judy: Yes.
Me: Okay, go on.
Judy:  That's it.  The word is "meant."
Me: Do you know what it means?
Judy: I'm supposed to know what it means?
Me: Of course.
Judy: Whatever.  I still got you to say it.

I am showing Harmony pictures of American holidays.

Me: Do you know what day this is?
Harmony: (Mentally translating from Chinese) Thank You Day?
Me: Close.  It's called Thanksgiving.
Harmony: English words too many long.
Me: I agree.  (Showing a picture of a plate of cookies laid out for Santa Claus) Do you know what day this is?
Harmony: There is Cookie Day in America?!
Me: There should be.  I think I like your holidays better.
Harmony: You welcome.

We are looking at a map of the world.

Michael: Where's Panama?
Gene: In the White House.
Abbot: That's Obama, genius!
Gene: There's two?

We've got Baseball and Apple Pie, too

Party Animal and I are looking at a map of the US, locating famous landmarks.

Party Animal: Where is the free woman?
Me: Pardon?
Party Animal: (poses)
Me: Oh, you mean the Statue of Liberty!
Party Animal: Yeah, the free woman.  It's famous in America.
Me: So they say.

A Moment of Panic

A popular method of practicing English in China is to choose famous speeches or monologues from movies and memorize them.  Neil and I are looking at a map of the US, choosing destinations for his trip to the US this summer.

Neil: Oh look, Texas.  They lynch Negroes in Texas.
Me: What?!?
Neil: It's from the movie, The Great Debaters.
Me: Sweetie, I gotta explain something to you...

Here's something lighter.  Candy and I are looking at the map of the US, preparing for her to go to high school in Tampa, Florida next year.

Me: Here's Tampa.  Here's LA, Washington DC and New York.  I come from here, Portland.  That's the best city.  Here's Forks, where vampires come from.
Harmony: Where's Denmark?
Me: Denmark?
Harmony: Wait, never mind, that's in Europe.

Jackie Chan or Judge Lance Ito?

Gabriel: Hey, Lucy?  I have a question about American culture.
Me: Okay, go ahead.
Gabriel: Do you know Monica, from Friends?
Me: Not all Americans are like that.
Gabriel: What?
Me: Never mind.  Go on.
Gabriel: You know that girl on Desperate Housewives?
Me: Teri Hatcher?
Gabriel: I don't know her name.  Is that the same actress as Monica?
Me: No.
Gabriel: Are you sure?
Me: 100% sure. (FYI: I very rarely give a 100%) Monica's name is Courtney Cox.  She has a daughter named Coco.
Gabriel:  Are you sure?  Those two women look like the same woman.
Me: Sometimes western people have trouble telling Asian people apart.
Gabriel: (Looks around at his classmates, then looks at me with skepticism) A baby named Coco?
Me: Maybe you should Google it.
Gabriel: Google hates China.
Me: I'm going to go get a coke.

2+2=Lucy

Peter: You're not bringing a bag, are you?  We're only going for one night!
Me: Just a small bag.
Peter: Backpack?
Me: Carry-on size.  I have to carry our winter coats.
Peter: We can wear them on the train.
Me: I am not sleeping on the train all night in a down overcoat.
Peter: Why not?  It's like a sleeping bag.
Me: Exactly.
Peter: Who will be carrying this alleged bag?
Me: You.  You're the man.
Peter: Americans are too difficult.  Like math.