Busted

About a week ago I had a Who's on First-style discussion with Saul, whose job it is to help me with class-related issues.  You can read the original conversation here.

Saul: Oh hey, Christense, I found out that you probably do need a specific textbook for that IELTS class.
Me: Great, what is the name of the textbook?
Saul: Sorry, I don't know.
Me: How can I buy the textbook if I don't know the name?
Saul: Yeah.  I'll try to find out for you.
Me: The class manager at the IELTS center could probably tell you.
Saul: Yeah, I should go back and ask him again.
Me: I happened to be at the IELTS center this morning.  I talked to the class manager myself, and he said there is no textbook for that class.
Saul: Oh.  Really?
Me: Yes.  So you don't need to bother talking to him "again."
Saul: (Sincere) Great.  Let me know if there's anything else I can help you with.
Me:  I sure will.

Who's on Question 24?

Harmony and I are working through a list of conversation questions about personality.  Harmony, along with other students who are beginners at English, has a habit of saying "no" when she means "I don't understand the question."

Me (reading question 24): Is there any part of your personality that you would like to change?
Harmony: No.
Me: No?
Harmony:Yes.
Me: The answer is yes?
Harmony: No.
Me: You mean no.
Harmony: Yes.
Me: No, you don't understand the question or the answer to the question is no?
Harmony: No question.
Me: The question I just asked?  Or question 24?
Harmony: Um...
Me (pointing to question 24): You understand this?
Harmony: Yes.
Me: And the answer is no.
Harmony: Yes.
Me: Okay, I think we got it.  Next question.

Lost in Translation

One of Saul's jobs is to help me with questions I have about my classes or my schedule.  This conversation is not to make Saul look stupid (he's not) but to demonstrate why things take longer when we're not all speaking our native language.  Sometimes nobody says anything wrong but things still don't get across exactly right.  In retelling this I have improved his grammar for clarity.  Also, even if someone speaks to me in bad grammar I tend to remember it in correct grammar.

Me: Last Friday a girl called me and wanted to give me my new class schedule.  I had to leave before I met her because I apparently got some bad Moo Shoo Pork.  I forgot her name.  Do you know who that might have been?
Saul: I think they're making the schedule now.  I'll print it out and give it to you when it's done, don't worry.
Me: She said it was done.  She wanted to give it to me right then.
Saul: Oh really?  Let's go see.
yadda yadda yadda and...
Saul: Here you go.
Me: What's this class?
Saul: It's an IELTS (English test) class.
Me: I've never taught one of those before.  Does it have a textbook?
Saul: Probably.
Me: A textbook assigned for the class?
Saul: I think so.
Me: Do I teach from the textbook? (sometimes I don't.)
Saul: I think you can.
Me: But am I required to?  Do I have to, or I can?
Saul: You have to.  Probably.
Me: So what's the textbook?
Saul: I don't know.
Me: Could you find out for me?
Saul: If you have a minute we can go down to the bookstore downstairs and find out now.
Me: Okay.
In the bookstore...
Saul: All the books on this shelf are IELTS books.
Me: Which one is for my class?
Saul: Any of these would work for your class.
Me: I'm choosing the textbook?
Saul: You could use any one of these to prepare for your class.
Me: Of course, but does the class have a textbook assigned to it?
Saul: Oh, sure.  Probably.  Almost certainly.
Me: And I need to use that textbook.
Saul: Yeah, you'll need to buy that textbook.
Me: So which one is that?
Saul: I don't know, I'm sorry.
Me: Could you find out for me?
Saul: I have a class starting in ten minutes.
Me: I don't mean right now, maybe in the next week?
Saul: Probably I can do that.
Me: Just get me the name of it, is all.  The name of the textbook.
Saul: Sure.
Me: So I can buy it.
Saul: Sure.
Me: And use it.
Saul: Okay.
Me: Okay. (I go to leave the bookstore)
Saul: So you don't want any of these books here?
Me: Nope, I'm solid.

What's Another Word for Thesaurus?

In class we had been studying about satellite repair stations, repair stations that generally function independently but are managed by a main repair station.  The two are separate entities but rely on one another.

Stella: What's a thesaurus?
Me: If we look up a word in a thesaurus it tells us other words with similar meanings.
Abbot: So it's a dictionary.
Me: Close.  A dictionary tells us the meaning, a thesaurus tells us other words with the same meaning.
Abbot: So it's a satellite dictionary.

It'd be better to just get a leash

Earlier in this lesson I taught the idiom, "hold on to your hats."

Me: Okay, turn to page 22.
Gabriel: Wow, we're already on page 22?
Me: Yeah, we're making good progress.
Abbot: Yeah, what was that expression you taught us?  Hold on to your cats!

But where would I put the lotion?

I am playing a board game I invented with my student Judy, who is fantastically twelve years old.  I love her and fear her.  

Question in the game: What would you do if you were a bug?
Judy: I would eat potstickers.
Me: Erm, okay.  Pork or beef?  What kind meat is in a bug's potsticker? 
Judy: People meat.

Snake Time!

Party Animal and I are playing MASH, that staple of junior high girls throughout the 80s.  We are filling in what pets he may have in the future.  

Me: How about a tiger?
Party Animal: Yeah, a tiger is good.  (spelling) T-A-T-E-R.  Wait, is that right?
Me: No.  It's T-I-G-E-R.
Party Animal: Okay.  How about a snake?  S-N-A-C-K.  Is that right?
Me: Almost.  Are you hungry, by any chance?
Party Animal: Not really.  Can this game tell me what I'll have for dinner?

What I Did Today

I taught a class of impressionable high school youths today.  One of the things I like to do in class is a bit on English names.  It's really just an elaborate way to exorcise one of my pet peeves: Chinese students with inappropriate English names.  Perhaps you think that is narrow-minded, but three years of students named Eads, Essex, Tree, Lose, Vido and Axue have taken their toll.  I start by asking them, "If I told you my Chinese name was tang cu li ji (sweet and sour pork) what would you think of my knowledge of Chinese language and culture?"  I then go on to explain the advantages of having a culturally-appropriate name that is correctly balanced between unique and recognizable, and gently end with something like, "I'm not picking on you, but you should consider that I may be the only person who will come out and tell you if your name is ridiculous."  I go on to explain why Blue, Pizza, Fly and Jun (all names of actual past students) are not suitable names, but Scarlet, Candy, Faye and June are names.  I also give them the general warning that there are more Michaels, Jacks, and Lilys in China than there are in America, and they may want to consider something more unique.

From there I bring out my book 25,000 Baby Names (which is also named inappropriately because the names it contains are for people, not just babies) and look up the meanings of the English names they may have.  It's fun, and it's also great to be able to say, "25,000 names, but Lose is not in here."  Most of them had pretty good names already.  Suzie decided to change to Sybil, Claudia (which means lame, as it turns out) switched to Sydney.  Don't think I am stuck up, though.  I didn't say anything to Davis about his name even though it's usually a family name.  Albee is a name I've only heard in China, but I like it.  It's not in my book, but I usually tell students it's a variant of Alberta.  However, despite my best efforts Moose and Water Cow did not want to change their names.  I think that Moose didn't really know enough English to understand me, but Water Cow was with me.  I showed him that it was not in the name book and asked him if he wanted to change it and he said, "No.  I love it."  Okay then.  Water Cow it is.

As a parting shot at names, the only thing harder than convincing someone like Water Cow to change his name is explaining why Dick is short for Richard and Peggy is short for Margaret.

Later in class we played a game, "What Did I do Yesterday?"  I put five topics on the board: Where did they go, what did they see, what did they ask, what did they do, and what did they eat?  I then choose two or three students and send them outside.  The rest of the class and I decide what the students outside did yesterday.  When we're finished I bring the students back in and they have to ask yes or no questions to determine what they did yesterday.  It's usually pretty fun.  The part they like the most, though, is when I go outside and they decide what I did.  Apparently yesterday I went to Starbucks, saw a gay couple, asked where they were from, watched them kiss goodbye, and then ate some cake. 

Then Peter and I went to dinner at his aunt's house.  She's his mother's eldest sister, and she grew up during the cultural revolution.  She told us that when she was a girl her English teacher came to school, taught them to say, "Long live Chairman Mao" and then went on vacation for the rest of the year.

So there's a typical day!