The Odd Couple

Peter and I are watching TV.  Except, as usual, we're not so much watching it as sitting in front of it ignoring it and talking.  We are watching an episode of Mythbusters about the 5 second rule.

 Peter: What's the 5 second rule?
Me: That you can eat something off the floor if it's been there less than 5 seconds.
Peter: I would never do that.
Me: I used to believe in that.
Peter: Why'd you stop?
Me: I stopped right around the time I became responsible for cleaning my own floors.  Would you eat off your grandma's floor?  She's really clean.
Peter: She is, but I wouldn't eat off her floor, because she's crazy.  She does mop twice a day, though.
Me: Really?
Peter: Yeah, everyone on that side of the family does.  They're a little anal.  My grandfather used to yell at me for watching TV and reading the newspaper at the same time.
Me: Why?
Peter: He said it was a waste of electricity.  Also he wouldn't ever let me sit on the bed with my pants on.
Me: Pardon?
Peter: He said the only thing that should go on the bed is your body in pajamas.  Your street clothes are dirty.  He also didn't let me put my school bag on the bed.  Or any food.
Me: Is that why everyone takes their pants off whenever they go to your grandparents' house?
Peter: Yeah.  Anal.  I never told you before, but it kind of bothers me, too.
Me: You told me before.
Peter: I did?
Me: Remember when I was packing to go to America and I put my suitcase on the bed?
Peter: It had been in storage for a year!
Me: I dusted it!  You're turning into your grandfather.
Peter: Maybe.
Me: Wait a few more years, then you'll start turning into your father.
Peter: What's wrong with that?
Me: Nothing, but I'm turning into my mother.
Peter: So it'd be like your mother was married to my father...
(beat)
Me: Yeah, that wouldn't work at all.
Peter: I think we discovered where divorce comes from.

Peter's family are lovely people.  They have a quirk or two, like the rest of us.  Pants are generally removed only when wearing long johns underneath, in the winter, which is not (too) unusual here.  My mother and his father are lovely, caring people, but definitely not made for each other!

Around the China in 24 Hours

Peter and I had to go to an appointment in Beijing regarding his green card.  We'd planned to stay a couple days, but the rice noodle acquisition called us home.  We left Xi'an on the overnight train to Beijing at 7pm and returned by plane (thank you frequent flier miles) the following day at 9pm.  Here are some, er, memorable moments from our trip.

Me: My feet look fat in these wool socks.
Peter: Good.  That means they match the rest of you.
Me: I beg your pardon?  Would you care to rephrase that?
Peter: I like Santa Claus.
Me: Damn right you do.

Peter returns from the restroom on the train, looking sheepish.

Me: What's wrong?
Peter: I've been on too many airplanes.  I am airplaneized.
Me: Why?
Peter: I went potty.  I flushed the toilet.  I covered my ears.  Then I realized I wasn't on a plane, and it wasn't going to make that horrible sound like you're going to be sucked out of the airplane. 

I am spelling the name of a restaurant for Peter so he can call 411 and look up the address.  The restaurant is called (coincidentally) Peter's Tex-Mex.

Me: It's like your name, followed by an apostrophe s.
Peter: Say what?
Me: You know, P-E-T-E-R-apostrophe-S. 
Peter: What? A-plastic-free-S?
Me: No, you know, apostrophe, a comma in the air, A-P-O-S-T----
Peter: Maybe we should have Thai.  T-H-A-I.
Me: I bet Peter's serves meatloaf.
Peter: A comma in the air?  Got it.

Infidelity

Me: What would you think if someone else fell in love with me?
Peter: I'd be mad.
Me: At me?
Peter: No.  You can't help it if someone else falls for you.
Me: Mad at him?  Or her?
Peter: No.  I'd be mad at your parents.
Me: Why?
Peter: Because they gave you a good face.
Me: Aww!
Peter: Yeah.  If you weren't hot someone might fall for you after talking to you for, like, a few hours.
Me: Um...
Peter: Otherwise you wouldn't have a chance, unless you were hot.
Me: You shoulda quit while you were ahead.