The Odd Couple

Peter and I are watching TV.  Except, as usual, we're not so much watching it as sitting in front of it ignoring it and talking.  We are watching an episode of Mythbusters about the 5 second rule.

 Peter: What's the 5 second rule?
Me: That you can eat something off the floor if it's been there less than 5 seconds.
Peter: I would never do that.
Me: I used to believe in that.
Peter: Why'd you stop?
Me: I stopped right around the time I became responsible for cleaning my own floors.  Would you eat off your grandma's floor?  She's really clean.
Peter: She is, but I wouldn't eat off her floor, because she's crazy.  She does mop twice a day, though.
Me: Really?
Peter: Yeah, everyone on that side of the family does.  They're a little anal.  My grandfather used to yell at me for watching TV and reading the newspaper at the same time.
Me: Why?
Peter: He said it was a waste of electricity.  Also he wouldn't ever let me sit on the bed with my pants on.
Me: Pardon?
Peter: He said the only thing that should go on the bed is your body in pajamas.  Your street clothes are dirty.  He also didn't let me put my school bag on the bed.  Or any food.
Me: Is that why everyone takes their pants off whenever they go to your grandparents' house?
Peter: Yeah.  Anal.  I never told you before, but it kind of bothers me, too.
Me: You told me before.
Peter: I did?
Me: Remember when I was packing to go to America and I put my suitcase on the bed?
Peter: It had been in storage for a year!
Me: I dusted it!  You're turning into your grandfather.
Peter: Maybe.
Me: Wait a few more years, then you'll start turning into your father.
Peter: What's wrong with that?
Me: Nothing, but I'm turning into my mother.
Peter: So it'd be like your mother was married to my father...
(beat)
Me: Yeah, that wouldn't work at all.
Peter: I think we discovered where divorce comes from.

Peter's family are lovely people.  They have a quirk or two, like the rest of us.  Pants are generally removed only when wearing long johns underneath, in the winter, which is not (too) unusual here.  My mother and his father are lovely, caring people, but definitely not made for each other!

Refrigerator Physics

Two days ago I scrubbed the heck out of my refrigerator.  For those of you who don't know, The Heck is a fungus that lives in the refrigerators of lazy people.  You've probably heard of it, every so often somewhere in the world someone opens a refrigerator and says, "What?  The Heck is in here!" and someone else says, "Get The Heck out of my fridge!"  If that's not ringing a bell for you, you may be asking yourself "What The Heck is she talking about?"  You'll just have to take my word for it.

So I scrubbed the refrigerator within an inch of it's life (In An Inch Of Its Life is the best cleaner available for getting The Heck out of your fridge) and now it's all pearly and shiny.  However, because I have a memory like a---what's that animal?  Well, like something---I forgot all about it until I opened the fridge tonight.  I don't get in the fridge often because all that's in there is an iffy ear of corn, a package of bacon and a pitcher of ice water.  So it was nice to surprise myself with cleanliness.  It beats the heck out of a dirty fridge.

Seriously.  Surprise is very toxic to The Heck. Ta ta!

How to Make Cocoa: A DIY Housekeeping Intervention

1. Wake up.
2. Blow nose for 30 minutes.
3. Decide on a cup of hot cocoa.
4. There is only one microwave safe mug in the apartment. It's location, precisely speaking, is "not here."
5. Move to plan B.
6. Dig electric kettle out of bottomless void under the sink.
7. Dig electric kettle base out of bottomless void under sink. Yank on cord until it comes free, but do not speculate on what it could have been stuck on.
8. Find cleanish rag and wash dust off electric kettle. Fill with water.
9. Locate husband's overpriced Starbucks travel mug.
10. Dig down to the bottom of the dish pile and locate lid to said mug. Wash with cleanish rag.
11. Stare at kettle until the realization sets in that it will work better plugged in.
12. Search for cocoa. While searching formulate plan for untimely fate of husband, should he have drank (drunk?) it all.
13. Locate cocoa. Speculate about whether it is still safe to drink if it looks like that.
14. Mix water and cocoa in mug. Stir with butter knife that looks mostly clean.
15. Return to bed. Blow nose for 30 minutes. Go back to sleep. Wake up when cocoa is cold.