Corleone's China Kitchen

It is 1:00am. Peter and I are sitting in a barbecue restaurant eating grilled zucchini and discussing our latest scheme, to open a noodle shop in Xi'an and use the proceeds to return to the US and open a number of very successful restaurants. We are discussing the risks involved in this plan, and which US cities would be best to settle in.

Peter: What if the mafia comes after us?
Me: Just what sort of restaurant are you planning?
Peter: Does it matter? What if they bother us?
Me: The mafia will leave us alone if we leave them alone. That kind of thing doesn't happen to us.
Peter: Our car got stolen.
Me: That wasn't the mafia. That was drug addicts.
Peter: What if they come up to us on the street with a gun and ask for money?
Me: A mugging? That's not the mafia either. That's also the drug addicts.
Peter: Then what does the mafia do?
Me: Loan money at really high interest rates and pressure us to pay it back quickly.
Peter: Like our credit cards?
Me: Worse.
Peter: Wow. Is the mafia in Dallas?
Me: I don't know. Most of what I know about the mafia comes from movies. I've never heard of a Dallas mafia.
Peter: Why wouldn't the mafia be in Dallas?
Me: I don't know, maybe they don't like rodeo?
Peter: Well, if we do get involved with the mafia, what should we do?
Me: Look baby, you worry about opening the noodle shop, raising the money, relocating us to the US and opening a restaurant there. Let me worry about holding off the mobsters.
Peter: Deal.

How to Make Cocoa: A DIY Housekeeping Intervention

1. Wake up.
2. Blow nose for 30 minutes.
3. Decide on a cup of hot cocoa.
4. There is only one microwave safe mug in the apartment. It's location, precisely speaking, is "not here."
5. Move to plan B.
6. Dig electric kettle out of bottomless void under the sink.
7. Dig electric kettle base out of bottomless void under sink. Yank on cord until it comes free, but do not speculate on what it could have been stuck on.
8. Find cleanish rag and wash dust off electric kettle. Fill with water.
9. Locate husband's overpriced Starbucks travel mug.
10. Dig down to the bottom of the dish pile and locate lid to said mug. Wash with cleanish rag.
11. Stare at kettle until the realization sets in that it will work better plugged in.
12. Search for cocoa. While searching formulate plan for untimely fate of husband, should he have drank (drunk?) it all.
13. Locate cocoa. Speculate about whether it is still safe to drink if it looks like that.
14. Mix water and cocoa in mug. Stir with butter knife that looks mostly clean.
15. Return to bed. Blow nose for 30 minutes. Go back to sleep. Wake up when cocoa is cold.

Gesundheit

I don't know if I've been paying more attention or if my students have been extra-funny, but recently I've had a lot of funny stuff to post to Facebook. I've gotten more than one request to do something more with that stuff than just post it on Facebook. I'd decided to make a new blog for that purpose, but I already had this one, and it was easier to just update the template. I also like composing here a LOT better, because the touchpad on my mouse is a little freaky and sometimes I'll be halfway through composing a note on Facebook when I bump the touchpad the wrong way and lose the whole thing. Sometimes I lose the whole thing anyway, if my connection to the internet gets interrupted. (As an aside, if Facebook really wants to become the Wal-Mart of the internet they need to develop that Notes feature a little more.)

Anyway, I plan on posting my China observations here, as well as anything else that happens to wander through my mind. These will also post to Facebook, so I should be able to keep everyone in the loop.

So, I thought I'd start off my series of China Excerpts with an oldie but a goodie. This is a conversation Peter and I had when we were still dating.

Peter: (sneezes)
Me: Gesundheit.
Peter: What?
Me: It's German. It's a wish for good health.
Peter: Why are you speaking German?
Me: I don't know. We've borrowed that one. In English we say "Bless you."
Peter: Why?
Me: I've heard a couple different stories of why. Most of them are related to your soul or evil spirits. Saying "bless you" keeps the bad stuff out and the good stuff in when you sneeze.
Peter: Weird.
Me: You don't have anything like that in Chinese? Nothing superstitious about sneezing?
Peter: No.
Me: Nothing from the olden days? Traditional? What does your grandma say when you sneeze?
Peter: "See, you're getting a cold. I told you to wear a jacket."

PETER IS COMING!

On Sunday Peter, my superstar fiance, went to the US consulate in Guangzhou and got approved for a visa to the US! We've been preparing documents and practicing interview questions for months--MONTHS!--and in the end all they did was ask him a couple questions and look at a picture or two. It was great because while he was there he said he saw a lot of people receiving white papers, which are refusals. We had read before that they have already basically decided if they will give you a visa before the interview. Yay!

So, what next?

Well, he has to wait in Guangzhou 3 to 5 days for the paperwork to be finished. There is a disclaimer on his paperwork that they could change their minds, but it's not likely...only if they found some problem with his paperwork. He's worried about it, mainly because we've been worrying about his visa for over a year, and it's a hard habit to break. Once he has his visa in hand he's going to buy a giant suitcase (hard to find in China, but available in Guangzhou) and go back to Hainan.

There's a bit of an availability problem with booking his plane ticket, so rather than arriving November 24, like we had planned, he won't be here until December 10. I was pretty disappointed that he won't be here for Thanksgiving, but the point is he's coming. His dad is going to come down and visit him, and this will give them some more time to hang out.

The wedding will be January 10, 2009 at 1pm. I'll be sending out invitations soon, so this is the last chance, send me your address if you haven't already! Pray that there's no more complications and he can just be here soon!

Interview Countdown

Peter's interview is Monday, November 10 at 7:15 Chinese time, which is about 3pm Sunday afternoon.

Monkey Business

So, on Tuesday, I feel positive about Peter's visa. When I call him, however, as I do every night, all he wants to talk about is plans B and C, our backup plans in case his visa is denied or delayed. ("B" stands for "Plan Bad" and "C" stands for "Plan Cruel and Unusual.") At 1:00 am I am lying awake thinking, "What are we going to DO?!"

In the morning on Wednesday, all is bleak. I can neither confirm nor deny the consumption of too much ice cream that afternoon. I call him that night and he's all cheerful. I, determined to be grumpy, deflect as much as possible his attempts to make me laugh. Finally I ask, "Why are you so happy?"

"I had a dream."

"What did you dream about?"

He dreamed he got his visa. His sense of the thing when he woke up was not that he was guaranteed to get a visa, but that God wanted Peter to know that He was in control, and everything would be ok one way or another.

My response to this loving message: "Why didn't you tell me that sooner?!"

So today I feel much better. God is going to take care of us. In spite of interludes of doubt, I just have had this overriding feeling that he's going to get the visa on Sunday. I don't know if that's wishful thinking, or my own message from God. So, Peter is not sure he's going to get it, but he is sure that God is in control. I also know God is in control, but I have this difficult-to-squelch positivity that this is going to be the one part of the process that goes smoothly. We're due. He dreamed about getting the visa, you know. That's key. Of course, he did dream that they gave it to him printed on a sheet of paper shaped like a monkey. But I think we can let that part go.

The Update

Generally speaking, China is one day ahead of us. It's actually 16 hours (maybe it's 15, daylight savings time really throws me), but basically it's a day. If that's confusing, take a look at the clock on my sidebar. So, I generally use US time when I tell you what Peter's up to. So, if you're a stickler for reality, add a day...for example, his interview on Monday morning, November 10th takes place on the afternoon of Sunday the 9th, US time. People are always complaining how we are behind China, in school performance, economic growth (don't get me started on what the actual truth of that is) but they're even ahead of us in TIME.

So, on Sunday Peter packed up about ten pounds of photos, forms, and paperwork, and got on a bus to take a train that would get on a boat to go to Guangzhou. He left around 4pm, got a sleeper on the train, and woke up in Guangzhou. Sleeper berths in China are not too expensive, and are pretty comfortable. He used to buy seats, but I, the princess, made him take a sleeper last year and he hasn't gone back since. I converted him, and I'm proud of it. A friend of a friend there is loaning him an apartment for the 7-10 days he'll be there. That has been such a blessing because we're saving about 800 RMB on a hotel room, and he doesn't have to sleep on someone's couch.

He got settled in Monday, and on Tuesday afternoon he'll be going to the hospital for his required medical check. I don't know exactly what they'll be checking, but as long as he doesn't have any major diseases he should pass. It takes three days for those results to come back, and then he'll be all set for his interview on Sunday at the US consulate. If (please!) they say yes, he has to wait in Guangzhou for three days for the to issue his visa. Even if they say yes in his interview, they could change their minds during the three day waiting period. That's pretty unlikely, it usually only happens if there's a problem with his information. But we won't really relax until he gets that thing in his hand!

Once he's got the visa, he's free to come to the US whenever he likes. He got out of going back to work for a last week (PTL) but he'll have to return to Haikou, pack up his stuff, say goodbyes, and then he'll travel home to Xi'an. He'll spend about a week there with his family, and then if all goes well he should arrive in the US sometime Thanksgiving week.

So that's the thing. Please keep his interview in your prayers. Our current economic downturn, which has affected so many things, has made getting a visa harder. Hopefully our finances are enough. The other possibilty is that at his interview they will tell him they need more time to review his case. Then he'll have to return to Haikou and wait for them to send him a notice of their decision, which could take up to two months. That's what we really don't want. We've already waited so long. I want him here for the holidays. I just want him here! So please lift us up.

Back

Now that I'm back in the US I can access my blog again! About halfway through my first year in China Blogger was blocked, so I was cut off. I started Facebook instead, and recently wrote a note about drug reps that was criticially acclaimed...well, by one person, who is such a nice person anyways she probably would have told me my entry, "Ner ner ner" was fantastic. However, I've let it go completely to my head, and I've decided I can't let the world go round anymore withouth my insightful, award winning writing.

So, to start things off, I have made a keen and insightful observation about human nature, here working as a super-star receptionist for an OBGYN. Several times a day, I have this dialogue on the phone:

In my best receptionist voice, "Good afternoon, Dr. S's office."

"Hi, I'm a patient of Dr. S."

Pause. No further information is forthcoming. What am I expected to say? Did you call to tell me that? Are you waiting for applause? Is being a patient like having a fast pass at Disnelyland, you get to cut ahead of the huddled masses?

But here's the problem. Lest you think that I am being cynical and judgemental of our patients, let me tell you that I (in a past life when I had health insurance) do the same thing! I don't know why. It's like a compulsion. I call in and say, "Hi, I'm a patient of Dr. BillyBob." And stop. My theory is that deep down inside, no one knows what to say. That is, no one knows what to say in general, but especially when talking to their doctor or someone from a doctor's office. Somehow it's intimidating. So we end up with the fastpass theory of medical care. I just find it amusing.

Super Feet

Pizza Pizzaz!

It's International Labor Day in China, so we have a week off of school. It took me a while to figure out, but with some help from Google I learned that the Labor Movement which led to the creation of International Labor Day started in the US. BUT, the US is one of only 3 countries that don't celebrate International Labor Day on May 1 with the rest of the world. (The other two countries are Canada and South Africa.) I always thought Labor Day in September was fitting since it's right around when you have to go back to school and labor. I'm feeling a bit cheated, since in the US we only get a 3 day weekend, but in China they get seven days off!

Although you can find decent hot dogs in China, buns are hard to come by, and I don't have a grill. So, I decided to have a pizza party. Although it's a seven-day holiday, many students have stayed on campus. I had 22 people in my house last night making pizza! It was a new experience for most, as most Chinese have never made pizza, used an oven, and their only experience with cheese is the plastic cheese that comes on a McBurger or what comes melted on Pizza Hut pizza. They also weren't too sure about pineapple on pizza. However, everyone got into it as soon as I demonstrated. Here's a few pictures, there's more at http://www.flickr.com/photos/stensie

We're supposed to eat this???



This is Tommy. I gave him my camera and made him the photographer, but somehow he managed to be in almost every picture. Tommy works for the English department, and his job is to help me when I'm confused. So he gets to do fun stuff like go downtown with me to get my phone fixed when it's not broken, or wait at the train station with me while my train that was supposed to leave at midnight is delayed until 2am. He deserves a medal, I think!



Like this, guys! My award winning pizza sauce was ketchup with italian seasoning.



Monica was an ace with the ovens.



Pizza was eaten...



And everyone (even the boys!) helped clean up!

Pizza Party Photos

If you are one of my lovely students looking to download pictures from our pizza party, click "photos" below where it says "for my students."

Vivi's a Rockstar

So, Vivi visited in one of my classes a couple weeks ago. She's a student stying biochemistry at our university. She has recently provided me with her next big hit, her cover of Tori Amos' "Silent all These Years." It's not a video, it's only audio, so listen and enjoy!

Lyrics!

If you are one of my lovely students looking for song words to download, please click here:

http://www.fast-files.com/getfile.aspx?file=2099

You can download the document and print them out or save them to your computer.

The Worst Easter Video Ever

So! I know Easter was a week ago, but due to some tecnical difficulties, I just now am posting my cinematic debut. I've had my camera for over a year, now, but I just recently discovered how to make charming little videos. This is at Easter brunch with my co-teachers and some of our students and friends.

Girly Times

Last weekend I went to Shi Yan, about six hours north of Wuhan by train. There I hung out with some lovely ladies. For those of you Northwesterners, Shi Yan is where the Lewises are teaching with their four lovely daughters.

We made cards...

...and washed eachother's hands...

...and generally had fun...

Then, we even had lunch with the boys!

It was a lovely time!

PS: I'll be back in Portland July 1!

Easily Amused

This is very silly but I found it amusing...these are the kind of things I do on the internet when I am procrastinating planning curriculum.

http://www.englishclub.com/esl-games/button.htm

The Reports of my Death have been Greatly Exaggerated

Before you read this post, you may want to read this bit in italics, The Cliff's Notes. Lots of stuff has happened to me in the last couple months, and I know I get confused, so I know you may be also. Once upon a time, Christense had winter vacation. It was freezing in Wuhan, so she went to Hainan, an island province of China in the South China Sea, to eat pineapple and study Chinese. She really like Haikou city, and made lots of friends there, including a nice boy names Peter. Christense decided she wanted to return to teach there. So she went back to her job in Wuhan, but kept looking for a job in Haikou.

So, I just returned from a whirlwind trip to Haikou. I heard about a job opening at a language school, and I flew down to check it out. It's called Hainan Snow Foreign Language College.

I like to pretend they hung that banner out for me, even though they didn't. It's a three year language college. Most of the students seem to be local girls. They are very lively and eager to learn and practice English. Because one of their teachers was out of town, I even got to teach a few classes, so I really got a feel for the school. Look closely at the chalkboard in the background of this picture, and you'll see I was teaching them the chart-topping American hit, "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands."

Contract negotiations went very quickly, as they agreed to give me the same terms as my contract in Wuhan. That's good, because I've never negotiated anything in my life, but I know I have a good Wuhan contract. The school is run by a Chinese man called Mr. Snow and his son, and they seem very kind and accomodating. The school is right in the neighborhood where I stayed last time in Haikou, and close to everything I need. Also, in case I need a clearer sign, a new Friend's Waffle stand opened a block from the school.

Friend's Waffle is owned by a Korean brother and sister. We all know I don't really like waffles, but they do something to these! They don't put on syrup (though they have it) but instead they put on apple jelly and butter and fold it in half. Over the course of my time in Haikou I've become addicted. I could go for one now!

Here's a picture of Peter, just because. We went out and had street food: goose neck, spicy noodles, oysters, grilled eggplant, chocolate popcorn. And waffles!




This is my last night in Haikou with some friends. This trip was very refreshing. So I'll finish the school year in Wuhan, and then return to Haikou to get my visa. Then I'll be in the US for July and August, and finally move to Haikou to teach starting in September. Yahoo!

At the Temple

Daylight Savings Time

I've never really understood daylight savings time. Isn't there the same space of time between sunrise and sunset, whether the sun rises at 5am or 6am? I've never felt very passionate opposition to it, though, just a sort of vague confusion. Here's a quote my dad sent me that makes me feel better:

"I don't really care how time is reckoned so long as there is some agreement about it, but I object to being told that I am saving daylight when my reason tells me that I am doing nothing of the kind. I even object to the implication that I am wasting something valuable if I stay in bed after the sun has risen. As an admirer of moonlight I resent the bossy insistence of those who want to reduce my time for enjoying it. At the back of the Daylight Saving scheme I detect the bony, blue-fingered hand of Puritanism, eager to push people into bed earlier, and get them up earlier, to make them healthy, wealthy and wise in spite of themselves."

--Robertson Davies, The Diary of Samuel Marchbanks, 1947, XIX, Sunday.

However, in honor of my confusion, I have given you on my sidebar a couple clocks, with local time in China and in Portland, which I will probably have to reset next weekend. In China, not only do we have no daylight savings time, but no time zones at all! So, after DST, count forward 3 hours, and switch am to pm to figure out what time it is in China. No worries!

Everyday Chinese: Lesson Two

"Mei shi de."

I just learned this phrase today from a podcast I got from www.chinesepod.com/podcast/. Though the Chinese themselves often render this phrase in English "no problem," I was beyond thrilled to learn that it literally means (are you ready?) "It ain't no thing." Ha!