Tuesday, September 04, 2012

Day 13

So last night at 4am we were sorting Peter's clothes into "ship" and "pack".  I really lobbied for a "throw out the window" category, but he won't part with any more clothes, no matter how shredded, shrunken, or ill-fitting they are.  Oh well.  Then we went to KFC because I was hungry.  There comes a time at night when a person needs to go to sleep or plan on eating another dinner.  We went and got the French fries I have been craving for a few days, but they were cold and it was totally disappointing.  Oh well.

Tonight we went to have hot pot with our students.  I don't know why, but I wasn't really into it.  After they wanted to go play pool and sing karaoke, but I ducked out.

Here's a story I have been saving. Well, two.  Three. 

I was playing Catchphrase with Jesse and I had the word "lawyer" when this happened:

Me: If you are accused of a crime, who do you need help from?
Jesse: God.

He's not wrong!

Also I found this today.  Judging by the number of pictures in the post it's a common thing, but I'm glad to say I've never seen one of these in person.  I can't believe I have to explain this, but, church, we do not use baptism punitively!  Baptism is a good thing!  Also, since the parking is reserved for members of a particular congregation, not a particular religion.  Baptizing you doesn't make you a member of a congregation, it makes you a Christian.  So this is ugly not only because it implies (even jokingly) that you could be sentenced to baptism for parking in the wrong place, but it also implies that only non-Christians park illegally.  Sorry kids, that's just not true. Christians also make bad choices.

Anyway, here's the best one.  The other day after Peter bought me my knockoff designer woven seatbelt bag, we left the store.  I wandered over to a kiosk and said, "You know, I could also use a new wallet."  I had looked away for literally one second, when I looked back he was GONE.

I found this to be an unreasonable response.  I am not a hardcore shopper, and I never bring Peter along against his will.  In fact, shopping had been his idea, (probably because he hates all my handbags).  I shop fast and I don't spend much, so I thought disappearing was a bit unreasonable.

Then the imaginative part of me took over.  What if it was like Nowhere man?  Or a Lifetime movie where a kid is abducted?  Parents, I know what you mean now when you say, "I just looked away for a second!"  I began imagining.  What if it were some kind of government caper?  What if I am schizophrenic and there is no Peter, I have been imagining him all along, and I had arrived at a brief moment of clarity?  (Do other people think about these things?)

I assumed I’d spot him, but after turning in a few circles, he was truly nowhere.  I got out my phone, and I’m not gonna lie, it was good to see his number in my phone (no schizophrenia).  I called him.  I got the generic message you get when a phone is turned off or out of range.  Weird. 

Then I had an epiphany.  When I had looked at him before going for the wallet, he’d had his hand in his pocket.  That could only mean…crap.

I ran back to the store where we’d bought the seatbelt wonder, and sure enough, there was Peter accusing the shopkeeper of stealing his iPhone.  He said he’d set it on the counter in the shop (at which point I refrained from screaming at him because, seriously, you never do anything like that in China unless you’re planning on donating it to a thief) but it was of course nowhere to be seen.  Others had come and gone while we were in the shop too, so that made it 458% worse.  In my five years in China, Peter and I have had four cell phones stolen.  This would be number 5. 

Peter asked for my phone to call the police, and I had another epiphany reaching for it in my bag.  “You didn’t put it in that bag you were looking at, did you?”  He’d picked out a bag for himself, but changed his mind when the shopkeeper wouldn’t meet his price.  Look in the bag and blammo, phone is there.  Whew!

So we narrowly avoided donating his iPhone to a stranger and having a huge fight, which we would have, because he’s always on my case about how I don’t protect myself enough from pickpockets.

Of course, I never did buy a wallet, so maybe…nah.  He wouldn’t go to all that trouble just to stop me from shopping, would he?

Anyway, that’s the thing.

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