Peter comes home to find me watching TNG.
Peter: Oh, you're watching Traveling the Stars.
Me: In English we call it Star Trek. I always used to watch this with my parents when I was a kid. Do Chinese people watch this?
Peter: Yes.
Me: Really?
Peter: Sure.
Me: Interesting. I can't picture Chinese people watching Star Trek.
Peter: Okay, I watched it.
Me: Oh, honey!
Peter: Yeah, I loved this. (Holding up a Vulcan "Live long and prosper" salute) Hola!
Showing posts with label china. Show all posts
Showing posts with label china. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Monday, February 07, 2011
Some Gems I've Been Saving
I discreetly make a note in my phone when one of my students says something that I wish to share with you. Recently I've built up a store of them. So here they are, for your Monday morning reading.
Me: My secret dream job is to be a writer.
Sheldon: Mine's to be a reader.
Me: Why?
Sheldon: Because it's easier than being a writer.
Trivia Question: What adjective describes a person who comes from Ireland?
Blue Team: Irelish?
This one's appeared on Facebook but I repost here because it's one of my all-time favorites.
Taxi Driver: Where come from?
Me: America.
Taxi Driver: Ah! The USB!
Me: Sort of.
Taxi Driver: What?
Me: I love China.
From a lesson about the difference between present progressive (I am doing something) and the simple present (I do something).
Textbook: What do you think of fast food? (answer with the verb "love")
Bradley: I am loving it.
Me: No, for that one we'd say "I love it."
Bradley: But I thought I'd heard it that way before.
Me: That's McDonald's slogan, but it's not good grammar.
Bradley: Wow. Fast food is bad for us in more ways than one.
Conversation Question: Have you ever lied about your age?
Neil (age 17): That's dumb. Why would I lie about my age?
Me: I don't know, maybe to impress a girl?
Neil: What am I supposed to do, tell her I'm 50? How will that impress her?
Me: Moving on...
Textbook: Take a breath and hold it for 5 seconds.
Bradley (reading): Take a breast and hold it for 5 seconds.
Earlier in this lesson we'd had the vocabulary word "stiletto heels" as part of a fashion discussion. Now I'm showing wedding pictures and explaining what makes a Champagne flute different from other glasses.
Me: See this tall, thin part here? It's called a flute.
Jessie: So it's like a stiletto glass.
Me: I never would have thought of it like that, but yes.
Me: When apartments for rent are advertised we describe them like this, "Three bedroom, one bathroom."
Neil: Are there any three bathroom, one bedroom?
Me: Not to my knowledge.
(The homework assignment for this class was to write a letter to an imaginary friend describing an imaginary apartment he'd just rented. Neil wrote about an apartment with 100 bedrooms and 500 bathrooms. The only drawback with his new place was that it was so small, and he expected he'd have to move again in a few years to find a bigger place.)
Found in Bradley's free writing assignment: Select ultraviolet rays are beneficial.
Me: Do you mean to say that the sun is good for us?
Bradley: Yes!
Neil: What kind of practice can I do to make myself speak English faster?
Me: It's not so important to go fast. Trying to speak faster can cause you to make more mistakes. Just go at a pace that feels comfortable. With more practice you'll get faster naturally.
Neil: But I know sometimes Americans speak really fast.
Me: Yeah, people on TV sometimes talk quickly. If we are excited about something, we'll talk more quickly.
Neil: When my friend was in America he had a system to learn to understand fast English. His neighbors were a couple that fought a lot, so whenever they started yelling he snuck outside and hid under their window to get some listening practice.
Me: Did it work?
Neil: Yeah. He said they were talking really fast and he could hear very well because they were screaming so loud.
(I plan to start a marriage seminar based solely on this principle. Rather than "Is that what Jesus would say?" it will be "Is that the kind of English you want the exchange student in the bushes to learn from you?")
Textbook: Which of these methods do you use to relax when you are stressed? Talking to a friend, pampering yourself with a massage or hot bath, meditation, exercise.
Bradley: I like pampering myself.
Me: Interesting. How do you pamper yourself?
Bradley: I don't have a bathtub and I don't like massage, so usually I just get a case of beer.
Me: To share with your friends?
Bradley: Sometimes.
And finally, a lost gem from the immortal Sheldon. (I don't think I've posted this before.) To clarify, sometimes the English word hamburger is mistakenly translated into Chinese to mean sandwich.
Sheldon: How do I order food in a restaurant in America?
Me: Read the menu, choose something you'd like and tell the waitress.
Sheldon: What if there's no pictures, or I don't know what the dishes are?
Me: Just tell the waitress what kind of food you're interested in eating. She'll tell you what they have.
Sheldon: What if I want a hamburger?
Me: Say, "I want a hamburger."
Sheldon: But how will they know what kind of hamburger? How will they know if I want a beef hamburger or a chicken hamburger or a pork hamburger--
Me: No, there's no such thing. Hamburger always means it's made from ground beef. If it's chicken we call it a chickenburger. If it's fish we call it a fishburger.
Sheldon: So if it's pork we call it a porkburger?
Me: We don't have porkburgers in America.
Sheldon: We have them in Xi'an!
Me: That would be better described as a pulled pork sandwich.
Sheldon: So if it's beef it's called a beefburger?
Me: No, it's called a hamburger if it's made of beef.
Sheldon: Why? And what do you call a hamburger made of ham?
Me: There is no ham-hamburger.
Sheldon: Then where did the word come from?
Me: Well, the dish we know today as the hamburger was named for the city of Hamburg, Germany---
Sheldon: Never mind, I'm over it.
Me: My secret dream job is to be a writer.
Sheldon: Mine's to be a reader.
Me: Why?
Sheldon: Because it's easier than being a writer.
Trivia Question: What adjective describes a person who comes from Ireland?
Blue Team: Irelish?
This one's appeared on Facebook but I repost here because it's one of my all-time favorites.
Taxi Driver: Where come from?
Me: America.
Taxi Driver: Ah! The USB!
Me: Sort of.
Taxi Driver: What?
Me: I love China.
From a lesson about the difference between present progressive (I am doing something) and the simple present (I do something).
Textbook: What do you think of fast food? (answer with the verb "love")
Bradley: I am loving it.
Me: No, for that one we'd say "I love it."
Bradley: But I thought I'd heard it that way before.
Me: That's McDonald's slogan, but it's not good grammar.
Bradley: Wow. Fast food is bad for us in more ways than one.
Conversation Question: Have you ever lied about your age?
Neil (age 17): That's dumb. Why would I lie about my age?
Me: I don't know, maybe to impress a girl?
Neil: What am I supposed to do, tell her I'm 50? How will that impress her?
Me: Moving on...
Textbook: Take a breath and hold it for 5 seconds.
Bradley (reading): Take a breast and hold it for 5 seconds.
Earlier in this lesson we'd had the vocabulary word "stiletto heels" as part of a fashion discussion. Now I'm showing wedding pictures and explaining what makes a Champagne flute different from other glasses.
Me: See this tall, thin part here? It's called a flute.
Jessie: So it's like a stiletto glass.
Me: I never would have thought of it like that, but yes.
Me: When apartments for rent are advertised we describe them like this, "Three bedroom, one bathroom."
Neil: Are there any three bathroom, one bedroom?
Me: Not to my knowledge.
(The homework assignment for this class was to write a letter to an imaginary friend describing an imaginary apartment he'd just rented. Neil wrote about an apartment with 100 bedrooms and 500 bathrooms. The only drawback with his new place was that it was so small, and he expected he'd have to move again in a few years to find a bigger place.)
Found in Bradley's free writing assignment: Select ultraviolet rays are beneficial.
Me: Do you mean to say that the sun is good for us?
Bradley: Yes!
Neil: What kind of practice can I do to make myself speak English faster?
Me: It's not so important to go fast. Trying to speak faster can cause you to make more mistakes. Just go at a pace that feels comfortable. With more practice you'll get faster naturally.
Neil: But I know sometimes Americans speak really fast.
Me: Yeah, people on TV sometimes talk quickly. If we are excited about something, we'll talk more quickly.
Neil: When my friend was in America he had a system to learn to understand fast English. His neighbors were a couple that fought a lot, so whenever they started yelling he snuck outside and hid under their window to get some listening practice.
Me: Did it work?
Neil: Yeah. He said they were talking really fast and he could hear very well because they were screaming so loud.
(I plan to start a marriage seminar based solely on this principle. Rather than "Is that what Jesus would say?" it will be "Is that the kind of English you want the exchange student in the bushes to learn from you?")
Textbook: Which of these methods do you use to relax when you are stressed? Talking to a friend, pampering yourself with a massage or hot bath, meditation, exercise.
Bradley: I like pampering myself.
Me: Interesting. How do you pamper yourself?
Bradley: I don't have a bathtub and I don't like massage, so usually I just get a case of beer.
Me: To share with your friends?
Bradley: Sometimes.
And finally, a lost gem from the immortal Sheldon. (I don't think I've posted this before.) To clarify, sometimes the English word hamburger is mistakenly translated into Chinese to mean sandwich.
Sheldon: How do I order food in a restaurant in America?
Me: Read the menu, choose something you'd like and tell the waitress.
Sheldon: What if there's no pictures, or I don't know what the dishes are?
Me: Just tell the waitress what kind of food you're interested in eating. She'll tell you what they have.
Sheldon: What if I want a hamburger?
Me: Say, "I want a hamburger."
Sheldon: But how will they know what kind of hamburger? How will they know if I want a beef hamburger or a chicken hamburger or a pork hamburger--
Me: No, there's no such thing. Hamburger always means it's made from ground beef. If it's chicken we call it a chickenburger. If it's fish we call it a fishburger.
Sheldon: So if it's pork we call it a porkburger?
Me: We don't have porkburgers in America.
Sheldon: We have them in Xi'an!
Me: That would be better described as a pulled pork sandwich.
Sheldon: So if it's beef it's called a beefburger?
Me: No, it's called a hamburger if it's made of beef.
Sheldon: Why? And what do you call a hamburger made of ham?
Me: There is no ham-hamburger.
Sheldon: Then where did the word come from?
Me: Well, the dish we know today as the hamburger was named for the city of Hamburg, Germany---
Sheldon: Never mind, I'm over it.
Saturday, February 05, 2011
Corleone's China Kitchen
It is 1:00am. Peter and I are sitting in a barbecue restaurant eating grilled zucchini and discussing our latest scheme, to open a noodle shop in Xi'an and use the proceeds to return to the US and open a number of very successful restaurants. We are discussing the risks involved in this plan, and which US cities would be best to settle in.
Peter: What if the mafia comes after us?
Me: Just what sort of restaurant are you planning?
Peter: Does it matter? What if they bother us?
Me: The mafia will leave us alone if we leave them alone. That kind of thing doesn't happen to us.
Peter: Our car got stolen.
Me: That wasn't the mafia. That was drug addicts.
Peter: What if they come up to us on the street with a gun and ask for money?
Me: A mugging? That's not the mafia either. That's also the drug addicts.
Peter: Then what does the mafia do?
Me: Loan money at really high interest rates and pressure us to pay it back quickly.
Peter: Like our credit cards?
Me: Worse.
Peter: Wow. Is the mafia in Dallas?
Me: I don't know. Most of what I know about the mafia comes from movies. I've never heard of a Dallas mafia.
Peter: Why wouldn't the mafia be in Dallas?
Me: I don't know, maybe they don't like rodeo?
Peter: Well, if we do get involved with the mafia, what should we do?
Me: Look baby, you worry about opening the noodle shop, raising the money, relocating us to the US and opening a restaurant there. Let me worry about holding off the mobsters.
Peter: Deal.
Peter: What if the mafia comes after us?
Me: Just what sort of restaurant are you planning?
Peter: Does it matter? What if they bother us?
Me: The mafia will leave us alone if we leave them alone. That kind of thing doesn't happen to us.
Peter: Our car got stolen.
Me: That wasn't the mafia. That was drug addicts.
Peter: What if they come up to us on the street with a gun and ask for money?
Me: A mugging? That's not the mafia either. That's also the drug addicts.
Peter: Then what does the mafia do?
Me: Loan money at really high interest rates and pressure us to pay it back quickly.
Peter: Like our credit cards?
Me: Worse.
Peter: Wow. Is the mafia in Dallas?
Me: I don't know. Most of what I know about the mafia comes from movies. I've never heard of a Dallas mafia.
Peter: Why wouldn't the mafia be in Dallas?
Me: I don't know, maybe they don't like rodeo?
Peter: Well, if we do get involved with the mafia, what should we do?
Me: Look baby, you worry about opening the noodle shop, raising the money, relocating us to the US and opening a restaurant there. Let me worry about holding off the mobsters.
Peter: Deal.
Thursday, February 03, 2011
Gesundheit
I don't know if I've been paying more attention or if my students have been extra-funny, but recently I've had a lot of funny stuff to post to Facebook. I've gotten more than one request to do something more with that stuff than just post it on Facebook. I'd decided to make a new blog for that purpose, but I already had this one, and it was easier to just update the template. I also like composing here a LOT better, because the touchpad on my mouse is a little freaky and sometimes I'll be halfway through composing a note on Facebook when I bump the touchpad the wrong way and lose the whole thing. Sometimes I lose the whole thing anyway, if my connection to the internet gets interrupted. (As an aside, if Facebook really wants to become the Wal-Mart of the internet they need to develop that Notes feature a little more.)
Anyway, I plan on posting my China observations here, as well as anything else that happens to wander through my mind. These will also post to Facebook, so I should be able to keep everyone in the loop.
So, I thought I'd start off my series of China Excerpts with an oldie but a goodie. This is a conversation Peter and I had when we were still dating.
Peter: (sneezes)
Me: Gesundheit.
Peter: What?
Me: It's German. It's a wish for good health.
Peter: Why are you speaking German?
Me: I don't know. We've borrowed that one. In English we say "Bless you."
Peter: Why?
Me: I've heard a couple different stories of why. Most of them are related to your soul or evil spirits. Saying "bless you" keeps the bad stuff out and the good stuff in when you sneeze.
Peter: Weird.
Me: You don't have anything like that in Chinese? Nothing superstitious about sneezing?
Peter: No.
Me: Nothing from the olden days? Traditional? What does your grandma say when you sneeze?
Peter: "See, you're getting a cold. I told you to wear a jacket."
Anyway, I plan on posting my China observations here, as well as anything else that happens to wander through my mind. These will also post to Facebook, so I should be able to keep everyone in the loop.
So, I thought I'd start off my series of China Excerpts with an oldie but a goodie. This is a conversation Peter and I had when we were still dating.
Peter: (sneezes)
Me: Gesundheit.
Peter: What?
Me: It's German. It's a wish for good health.
Peter: Why are you speaking German?
Me: I don't know. We've borrowed that one. In English we say "Bless you."
Peter: Why?
Me: I've heard a couple different stories of why. Most of them are related to your soul or evil spirits. Saying "bless you" keeps the bad stuff out and the good stuff in when you sneeze.
Peter: Weird.
Me: You don't have anything like that in Chinese? Nothing superstitious about sneezing?
Peter: No.
Me: Nothing from the olden days? Traditional? What does your grandma say when you sneeze?
Peter: "See, you're getting a cold. I told you to wear a jacket."
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